When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize