I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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