I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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