He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
