Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
