My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
