How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize