im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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