Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
