It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
