apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
