I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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