I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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