this just has baby written all over it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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