so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What a dumb baby whore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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