Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
