He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
