Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
