I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
