I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
