she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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