Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
