Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
