I got chris browned last night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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