I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
