So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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