Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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