I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
