So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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