yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Girls should come with a carfax report
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
