It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
