I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
