the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
