This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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