Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize