yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
