There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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