So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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