At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
