Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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