I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
