he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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