I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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