Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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