Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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