That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
