party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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