i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
