He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
