It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The air was thick with penises
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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