i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
