You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
