Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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