I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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