Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
