New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
