What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
