I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
