yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
