Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize