I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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