we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
