ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
