Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Bring me that man meat
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
