K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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