she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
