It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i now understand why vodka
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
