I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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